I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
