he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
