I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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