I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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