you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
