if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
