god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
