this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
