new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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