his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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