3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
