my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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