Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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