barbara walters just said penis...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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