I wanna bring you to show and tell
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
