I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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