Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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