i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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