Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Randomize
