Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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