When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
