She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
