I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
soo... how was my night?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
