thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
