NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
