idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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