How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
