so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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