It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
