i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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