I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
