People in love make me want to vomit
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
