you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize