I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
