I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
