Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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