I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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