I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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