it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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