Duck Duck Cougar?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
