woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
