i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize