We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize