I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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