make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
