I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
