So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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