She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
