hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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