Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
