i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You need a sexual gate keeper
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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