Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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