Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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