Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Michael Bay diarrhea
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
