Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
