id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
