I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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