That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize