I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I will die if light touches me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
