he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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