no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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