Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
