I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize