East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We're too hungover to prance.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
