Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
