the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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