I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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