i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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