yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
